The reason that I like to start the day by reading from an inspiring book, right now as you know it's the oldie but goodie – Tony Robbins, "Awaken the Giant Within".  – is that I get to start the day with a take away.

An inspiring thought to ponder and more importantly use over the course of the day.  Many times my reading topic overlaps through the days as I continue with the same chapter or section of the book, so I am finding that the thoughts and concepts are truly becoming a part of my behaviour – and frame of reference.

I highly recommend it. It helps me to get up in the morning too!

So, yesterday I wrote about my frame of reference gone wrong and the consequences of it.

Today, when I picked up my book, the first thing that jumped out at my was Tony saying 

"Remember, it's the moments of our lives that shape us. It's up to us to pursue and create the moments that will lift us and not limit us. 

Since we were on the subject of frame of references and how they effect our behaviour, I instantly realized that it is also up to us to choose our frame of references – how we perceive others actions and what actions we take for ourselves based these choices. And even better, it is completely in our power to do so.

The potential for positive change is astounding. 

MY OVERBLOWN REACTION SAYS IT ALL

As I had mentioned yesterday, my overblown reaction to my daughter's wrinkled nose etc was because I had chosen – without thinking – to reference past behaviour that had been negative – judging my cooking without eating it by what ingredients I was using, even if she had never tasted them before for instance.

WHAT IF I had taken another moment before I reacted, and chose to reference something else. What if I had chosen to reference times when she was enthusiastic and supportive? It was her that initiated cookie day after all and supported me in getting into the habit.

THE MAGIC KEY 

You hold the key. You really do.

Take a minute to fully consider the power of taking time and making our own choices, rather than living by knee jerk reactions triggered by what ever else may be going on at the moment, by how tired we are, how much coffee we've had or our blood sugar levels (yup, ALL of those can effect our reactions and steer us to referencing a negative rather than a positive).

Of ACTING rather than RE-ACTING. 

I was first introduced to the concept of control in my early twenties when I read Stephen Covey "7 Habits of Highly Effective People"

He is also author of "7 Habits of Highly Effective Families", another excellent and insightful book. 

In it he introduced me to the concept of pausing before re-acting.

Before that, I barely realized that I was re-acting most of the time.

There is a vast difference between re-action and action.

And usually it is only a matter of pausing for the time it takes to take a deep breath and thinking for a moment. And in that moment, to choose what our frame of referenc will be.

In this hurry up world, it's more important than ever.

And as a Mom or Dad, it's of absolute importance to master this skill.

It will not only add to the quality of your own life in ways that you cannot even imagine right now, especially if your children are still young, but to the quality of your child's life too – no matter what their age.

And it goes for keeping house too. Who would have thought! And maybe that's the point. What we are thinking – or not thinking – ultimately comes out in our actions or reactions.

Is our frame of reference not to bother because it will just get messed up anyway?

How about making a new one. It can take some time and effort.

How about cleaning it up and then providing some support to help the family get in the habit of keeping it that way? Set a new standard.

Provide yourself with a new frame of reference, as well as them. 

This stuff works wonders I tell you :0)

As a matter of fact, most of what we see and do is a direct result of what we are thinking – or not thinking about.

Think about it! 

ACTION TIP

Today, make it a point to pause and think about what the frame of reference is for the action you are about to take. Are you acting on your own convictions or are you reacting to a preconditioned conclusion. 

Are you looking to the positive, or the negative?

There is always something good somewhere. Even if it has to come down to the base fact that everyone we are dealing with are mere human beings – imperfect but doing their best – just like us.

When all else fails, reference Namaste…

the spirit in me honours the spirit in you.

You can't go wrong with that.