First thing Monday I got the call that my husband’s grandmother had passed, our Nana Brown.
 She was an amazing woman, one who was far before her time, having one of her children out of wedlock back when it was certainly not cool, being married three times… one marriage isn’t talked about much, I gather it wasn’t all roses, and she lost two good men, one to the war and one to a tragic work accident, leaving her for many years of her life raising 4 girls alone.
Having only 2 girls, I can only imagine!
My husband often called her Mukluk Annie, a family nickname but he doesn’t know where the name came from. I searched “the google”, and I think it was because she got her drivers license when she was 56 and did a lot of travelling, especially in Northern Ontario where she had family. There is a famous restaurant in the middle of nowhere in the Yukon near Alaska named Mukluk Annie’s.
Her name was Mildred, but everyone else called her Millie. It suited her.
The thing that always struck me and probably all that knew her was her commitment to her family, and it was a very large family by the time all of the girls married, had kids of their own and they had kids of their own.
She welcomed us all, every one of us into her life. She ALWAYS made me feel welcome and even more importantly, respected as a mother. She well knew the struggles and never made me feel less… she always made me feel more.
I was after all, responsible for the well being of 3 of her great grandchildren, all of who loved going to Nana Brown’s to play with the toybox full of toys and the treasures that she was always producing from somewhere, usually a little something to take home to boot.
At the funeral, of course there where pictures.
One of them was of Nana Brown and my husband’s other grandmother - known to most as Gram Ferrante, another amazing woman who was much the same in spirit and the way she treated her very large family (she had 7 kids and all the grandkids etc that came after that!). I was truly blessed for knowing both of them.
They where both sitting there surrounded by family and it occured to me how much love they where responsible for, and even more importantly - unconditional love.
You just don’t get that from too many people. Counting my own grandmother, I think I’ve only had it from these 3 people :0)
It made me realise how important it is to be a grandmother, and how much they gave to so many, just by being themselves.
I have been going through what I assume is pre-empty nest syndrome.
Mourning my “kids” as they have grown, and the little ones in the pictures, the little ones that used to follow my every move, that used to look up to me like I was their world (because I was) are gone.
In their place are older kids who I love more than anything, but they are not the same, my world is not the same.
I’ve felt a loss for the the time past, mistakes I’ve made and time wasted. A big loss.
But looking at the picture made me see how much more there is ahead, and how important mom’s and grammas will always be.
And that is what I will be someday, God willing.
Thanks goodness I had the best of rolemodels when I start into the next stage of my own journey.
I guess that there is hope for me yet :0)
As always, you seem to realize the important things when it is too late. It’s too late to say thank you to all of them, to say thanks for the love. Thanks for welcoming me into their circle of life, of being an example through their own life, and showing me how it’s done.
But guess what. I think they that somehow they know. Gramma’s know everything, don’t they?
the reward.
